safe men and delusions

i have stopped worrying altogether

whether his twilight would be dizzying without me

whether I would wait until his voice murmurs like a brook to whom all my poems are addressed 

because under the shadows of safe men

you don't really feel the towering presence 

of unnoticed feelings, lacerating emotions

you don't even feel "the man" anymore 

you don't break as much as you used to do 

and you liked it once and wondered how dull would life be without the pain, the toxicity 

what would there be to revolt for your thoughtcrimes 

perhaps all the love lost is not in vain 

perhaps you are taking time to recover 

in all your fucked up ways 

you are running and howling wild 

because they asked for your heart to fill up their gaping holes 

you are letting go, you are giving up 

you are ODing until your legs, your body 

is squeezed out of every ounce of blood 

and you are not the same anymore 

you are burying your head like you are letting go again 

you are making memories and they are scary as hell

you are feeling every particle in your bones etherized to the slow evenings 

and you like it 

and you know you are those cult making types 

where you dream of love stories so profound 

that you become a swift walking spectator

moving across them 

wondering how beautiful it is but never to be part of any of them.