Heart of a squirrel

I see a rainy cloud hovering over my head 

I stay in that moment and never leave

You could define me with so many symbolisms but I don't stay there at all

I stay in a world yet to arrive 

My innocence has been carefully murdered bit by bit at the age of 12 and no I am not a victim of that 

When you say The Second Coming is at hand 

You'd find my face to be a gall and I'd terrify you, no you might shrink back with disgust

And I plead to no one but god, hah that keeps the charlatan at bay you know 

You may think I am the charlatan, or that I am seriously done for 

But the heart of a squirrel my love, how do you fight it, how do you tame it? 

Meanwhile the war, meanwhile my welled up throat, is it any better than the confused chatter of lost dreams? 

The numbness you are feeling, yes that, I find it everyday within me, I carry it and dispense it forward 

But, mothers my dear mothers do not teach their daughters to live for themselves 

They teach them to sacrifice at the altar and at the same time wake up from that "stony sleep" 

It's too much and it's terrible 

But, who do you seek for when you are caught on a fucking island with all its fresh breeze and greenish beauty?

They might have a psychological name for it and I am not googling it!